The Battle for Ares: Round Robin
by Gabs
Summary: Ares deals with numerous women who suddenly and unexpectedly want him... along for the ride are WWF's Matt and Jeff Hardy, and 2 aliens.
1. So You Know...

FYI:

Before you begin reading, there are a few things you need to know. This is, as you can see from the title, a round robin from the Battle for Ares mailing group, started by Audra. This is in NO WAY MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. It's just a funny (hopefully) story put together by various members of the group. Please, don't leave reviews saying "well, this didn't make sense because…." Trust us, we know. We talked about that in the group. It's not supposed to make sense. So, just enjoy.


	2. The Beginning

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Battle For Ares List: Round Robin

By: Audra, Gabs, Demon, Psycho Bard, Psycho Pyro and Shimmer

DISCLAIMER: None of the characters you recognize from WWF or Xena belong to us… we are merely using them for our own sick purposes. Skittles Idiot belongs to Gabs; Starburst Something or Other belongs to Demon; everyone else belongs to themselves.

CHAPTER 1- BY AUDRA

"Avocados?!" Gabrielle exclaimed. "How on earth could you possibly beat some one up with a sack of avocados?! I mean, I've seen you bust heads with sea creature but-" Xena suddenly raised her palm to her loyal sidekick bringing her steady stride and equally steady rambling to a halt. "Quiet Gabrielle. I hear something." They both listened, but all Gabrielle heard was the soft steal hiss of the warrior princess' sword being pulled from its scabbard... 


	3. Meet the Problem...

CHAPTER 2- BY GABS

The duo continued to listen with baited breath, not sure what to expect. "What is it Xena? what do you hear?" Gabrielle whispered. Xena glanced at her. "I'm not sure... but it can't be good." By now, Gabrielle also heard the noise. It sounded like singing, sorta. Actually, not really. To be honest, it sounded more like a pair of idiots screeching. Gabrielle grimaced. For once, she wished the obnoxious noise was Joxer. But not even he was that bad. She took a step back and readied her staff. 

Moments later, a mysterious duo burst through the trees to their right. The first one to become visible was a bright blue color, having psychotic looking orange eyes. It held a small, white, funny looking object in one hand, and a bunch of multi colored circular objects in the other. It stared at Xena and Gabrielle before suddenly shrieking out something that, to the confused pairs uncertain ears, sounded an awful lot like "Jeffyjeffyjeffyjeffyjeffyjeffyjeffyjeffy!" The other being stepped forward then, proving to have a red hue and odd, frightening pink eyes. In one hand it held a small black object, that obviously had the potential to be messy. The other hand contained multi colored squared things. 

"What in the name of Ares?" Gabrielle blurted without thinking. Xena turned to stare at her. "What did you just say?" The bards response was cut short by a blue flash. "You called, my dear?" Then, Ares noticed Xena. "Oh shit." He quickly pulled his right hand away from the flower he had been clutching, now choosing to cover his eyes in a failed attempt to hide. He peeked out between his fingers, hoping that he wouldn't see a pissed off warrior princess. No such luck, naturally. He then attempted to hide behind Gabrielle. Xena waved her sword around menacingly. "What in Tartarus is going on?" The red being chose this time to make its presence known, with a shout of "Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!" This drew all attention to them. "What the hell are those?" Ares shouted, drawing his sword. "We don't know yet. Let's try talking to them, see if they understand Greek. Maybe we can find out what they are and where they're from," Gabrielle suggested. She stepped forward. "Hi... my name is Gabrielle. This is Ares, and that's Xena. Who are you?" she asked gently. "And what the hell are you holding?" Xena added. 

The blue one shifted slightly, though neither said a word. All of a sudden, both started dancing around, flipping and standing on their heads. Xena, Gabrielle, and Ares all stepped back. Finally the things stopped. "Hi!!!! You can call me..." the blue one paused to think. It took a while to resume, needing some gentle prompting, via a slap to the head, from the red one before it continued. "Sorry, lost my train of thought. Anyway, yeah..." It paused again, again requiring a slap to continue. "Sorry. I'm the Skittles Idiot! This here is my sidekick, Rob Van Spork-" indicating the white object- "and these be Skittles!!!!!" The red one bounced up and down. "Hiya hiya hi hi! I's be the Starburst something or other, and my sidekick, Metal Gear Pen"- in reference to the black object- "and these is Starburst! But you cant have any," it added quickly. 

There was a long silence. 

"Don't worry, I'll save you," Ares promised. He took a step forward, held up his sword, and... quickly turned, grabbed Gabrielle, and disappeared. "Ares! Gabrielle! Get back here NOOOOOOWWW! Ooooh! Why, when I get you, I'm going to..." she let loose with a string of violent words and phrases. When she finally stopped, it was to see the Skittles Idiot and Starburst something or other both wide eyed and slack jawed. Skittles was holding a hand over her sidekick. "Can't let him hear that type of language," she finally explained. "Whatever. The point is, I need to get Ares and Gabrielle back here- no way I'm going to let her win just like that!" A familiar voice spoke from the shadows. "You'll have to beat me to him Xena. Ares... is mine!" 


	4. Enter Callisto...

CHAPTER 3- BY DEMON

Xena turned around to see Callisto with her sword drawn. "What in Tartarus are you doing here?" Xena asked, raising her sword. "Well, I was going to kill that irritating little blonde for looking at Ares, but for now I have found something a little more interesting." Xena narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "And what would that be, Callisto?" Callisto gestured toward the two odd creatures, who had decided to dance around waving their arms about. "These creatures here. Don't you know who they are?" Callisto asked, her hand on her hip. "Should I know?" Xena asked, still suspicious. 

Callisto sighed. 

"They are ....special visitors from another dimension. In fact, it was..." Callisto said, interrupted by the blue one bursting into tears. "Jeffynofightmattyjeffynofightmattytagteamchampstagteamchamps! " It yelled, bouncing around. The Skittles Idiot stopped in its tracks as the Skittles began to glow. With a rainbow colored flash, Jeff and Matt Hardy appeared in front of it. "Jeffyjeffyjeffyjeffyjeffy!!!!" It cried. "Mattymattymattymattymatty!" the Starburst Something or Other yelled, almost dropping the Starburst. "Where the hell are we?" Matty asked, looking around. "Greece. And I'm about to get MY Ares," Callisto stated.


	5. At Any Cost

CHAPTER 4- BY PSYCHO BARD

Xena turned to face the Warrior Goddess. "I don't think so. Wait in line, Callisto." The psychotic blonde laughed. "No no no Xena. I know what I want- Ares! And I'm going to get him. You see, I have an advantage- godhoood! I can get there ten times faster than you could!" Callisto laughed, stopping abruptly as two sets off odd laughter joined hers. she glared at Skittles and Starburst. 'Shut up!' Skittles mouth dropped open. In anger, she threw a skittle at Callisto, who growled. Starburst followed suit with one of her squares. At this, Callisto howled. 'I'm going to kill you!' she stormed towards Skittles and Starburst. both shrieked and disappeared. 'nooooo! oh well , I'll get them later. I have a god to get for myself now." glaring at Xena again, she disappeared, sights set on getting her man... god... at any cost. 


	6. Plenty of Confuzzlement to go Around...

CHAPTER 5- BY PSYCHO PYRO

Matty and Jeffy looked around in confuzzlement. "Where did those three go?" Jeffy asked. looking at Xena. "Who were they?" Matty asked. "I don't know," Xena said, shrugging, and heading off toward the Halls of War. "H...hey! Where are you going?" Jeffy asked. "I've got a god to catch." Xena said as she started off down the path. Matty and Jeffy watched her go and looked at each other. They heard a giggle and turned in time to see a pink flash appear. 

"So, boys, would you like a lift?" Aphrodite asked. "Uh, sure..." Jeffy started. Aphrodite grabbed their arms and teleported to the front of the Halls of War. Matt and Jeffy looked around in wonderment when a blue and red flash caught their attention. "Matty!!!!!" the red one cried. "Jeffy!!!" the blue one cried. "Jeffy! Come meet Rob Van Spork!" Skittles yelled as it ran toward Jeffy. A shadow passed over the sun and everyone looked up. "Ut oh..." Starburst said. "Its the...its the...its the..." Skittles said. Starburst smacked skittles. "It's the M&M Monster!!!!!!!!!!!"


	7. A Stampede?

CHAPTER 6- BY GABS

"The M&M Monster! NOOOOOOOOO!" Skittles screeched in horror. She jumped into Jeffy's arms, dropping all of her Skittles. If not for his wrestling skill, Jeff was sure he would have been knocked flat. Seizing the opportunity, Starburst jumped into Matt's arms. Aphrodite's mouth hung open. "Ya know, I was kinda hoping I would get them!" with an angry sigh, she left. That was when Xena showed up. "What? how did you two beat me here? You don't even know where you are!" she glanced at the sun. "What... never mind. I've got to fight for my man!" Everyone could hear the sounds of an argument inside.

Xena rushed in, being passed by Ares. He fell to the ground outside. His vest and belt were both off. He glanced at Matt, Jeff and the 2 beings, then the darkened sky. "I think it's safer back in there..." he turned and ran back into the temple. The ground started shaking under Matt and Jeff. Skittles was clutching Rob Van Spork protectively to her. She and Starburst were focused on the M&M Monster's massive shadow; Matt and Jeff, on the other hand, were more closely watching the trees around the Halls of War. There seemed to be a stampede coming... 


	8. A Stampede!

CHAPTER 7- BY PSYCHO BARD

Jeffy gently tried to set Skittles down; she however, clung to him. Matt was having no more luck than his brother. Finally, he wrenched Starburst off of him and dropped her. Skittles jumped out of Jeffys arms and took a few steps forward. "Starburst something or other!" she shouted. "yes skittles idiot?" Starburst jumped to her feet, Metal Gear Pen in hand. "You, me, Rob Van Spork and Metal Gear Pen have a battle! Let's go kick the shit out of that M&M Dumbass!" she shouted. "right on!" they charged towards the shadow, soon disappearing from sight. Jeffy and Matty turned back to the forest. the stampede sound grew louder. Finally, some of the trees fell, revealing the source. "Holy shit! it IS a stampede!" Matty shouted. Ares ran out of the Halls again. Gabrielle was latched onto his chest and shoulders; Callisto was hanging off of his back; Xena clutched his right arm. "Nooo! more of them!" Gabrielle screamed. Xena and Callisto got off of Ares, who managed to pry Gabrielle off. 

they soon identified the stampede as being Mavican, Hope, Eve, Cyane, Amarice, Nebula, Ephiny, Varia, Velasca, Psyche, Cyrene, Minya, Discord, Aphrodite, the Muses, some Valkyries, and every single person who had ever been involved in the Battle for Ares... though as for how they knew all of these people, seeing as some were dead, some not yet introduced to the show, and some from the far future, no one knows. It's not important anyway. exchanging looks, Matty and Jeffy got out of the way; Ares ran back into the halls; Gabrielle, Callisto, and Xena stayed to fight for their man. "Plan!" Callisto shouted. "What?" Gabrielle and Xena demanded in unison. "We 3 work together for now. Once we beat all of them, its just us... and then I win!" she shouted gleefully. "aside from that last statement, it's a deal." Gabrielle said. Xena nodded. "Charge!" 


	9. The Battle is On!

CHAPTER 8- BY SHIMMER

Xena and Callisto spotted Matty and Jeffy at about the same time. "you! both of you! come help us! or we'll KILL YOU!" Callisto shouted. 'we don't fight!" Matt protested. 'you do now," Callisto replied. 'NOW!" Xena Barked. Jeffy and Matty rejoined them. just as Kim, Sylvia and Milou set upon them, Skittles and Starburst reappeared. "Matty!" Starburst screamed. "Jeffy!" skittles hollered. they quickly stood by the two. the battle was on. soon, it was down to Xena, Gabrielle and Callisto against Varia, Mavican and Discord. All the battlers from the website had left, mostly citing that they had to check e-mail. The others who were actually in the battle had long since been kicked out. Matty and Jeffy had fallen to Aphrodite, who had seemingly dropped out of the battle for Ares to chase the Hardyz. this, of course, was when Skittles and Starburst left Xena, Gabrielle and Callisto to try to save Matt and Jeff from Dite. Ares peeked timidly out of the Halls. "you cant beat us!" Callisto sneered. "girl power!" Xena added. everyone stared at her. "sorry." They heard Matty scream. "That's what you're going to be doing in just a few minutes!" Gabrielle said. The battle was on!


	10. Things Get Stranger...

CHAPTER 9- BY AUDRA

Ares had his head poked out to watch the action. Posh Spice snuck out the back door of the Halls of War. The carcass of the M&M Monster lay rotting in the sun, covered in sparkly rainbow colored singing maggots as the raspberry scent wafted across the forest. Ares was finally feeling bold enough to join in the fun, but then a pie hit him square in the face, sending him scurrying back inside. After several long minutes of fierce fighting, and Skittles pouring out of the sky, the only ones remaining were four of the best warriors ever to cross the earth... and also Matty, Jeffy, Skittles and Starburst. Gabrielle looked at Xena who looked at Eve who looked at Callisto. Then Eli showed up flailing his arms, urging everyone not to fight. Much to the approval of the others, Eve punched his lights out. They all ran into the Halls of War frantically screaming for Aresian, insisting that he come out and play. Then Caligula showed up and suggested they just share him. He was ripped apart by the woman warriors on the spot. When they finally reached the inner recesses of the temple, they found Ares covered in cookie dough, and about to be eaten by a female dragon… 


	11. Trouble?

CHAPTER 10- BY RACHAEL

Suddenly Xena helped Ares up, as a lime green flash erupted into the room, "Umm okay peoples! Let's get some order now!" a girl with auburn colored hair, with lime green colored eyes said, Ares raised his eyebrow at her "Trouble what in Tartarus are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be off annoying Apollo or something?" Trouble was his little sister, then he disappeared with Xena, 


	12. The End... or is it?

CHAPTER 11- BY GABS

Gabrielle and Callisto stared at the spot where Ares and Xena had disappeared from. They exchanged glances. "Care for a lift?" Callisto growled. "Let's get 'em," Gabrielle agreed. Callisto grabbed Gabrielle's arm and they disappeared. Skittles and Starburst looked around, spotting Matty and Jeffy trying to hide. They grinned and started moving towards the Hardyz. "Run!" Matt screamed. He and Jeff took off, the Skittles Idiot (with Rob Van Spork) and the Starburst Something or Other (with Metal Gear Pen) hot on their heels. 

Meanwhile, Callisto and Gabrielle had located Ares and Xena. "Get her!" Gabrielle screeched. Ares jumped up. "Woah, woah, ladies... there's plenty of me to go around," he said suggestively. The three warriors stared at him. "What? You think we're some kind of sluts or something?" Xena demanded. All three stormed out. With a sigh, Ares leaned back on the bed. "Well, there's always Mavican..." 


End file.
